Why cant i just reach out
around 3 days ago I cried for the first time in a year, cried myself to sleep. I don't normally cry cause I can thug it out pretty well (bottling it up would be a more appropriate term but i think its funny to say thugging it out lmao). But that night I decided to let myself release all the feelings Ive had bottled up the past year. If you were to ask me what made me initially cry, I wouldn't even know I just felt really sad, but I somehow just remembered my inability to vent and reach out to people for help. I think this behavior of mine started during the pandemic, before that i cried constantly, but one day I was just really annoyed at myself because I was acting like a little crybaby and just decided not to cry as much and just bottle up my emotions and try not to talk about it.
I don't even want a lover I just want to have a friend that will be there with me when Im under the blankets and tell me it's okay to cry it's okay to be weak. My brain always stops me from talking to people because it seems "attention seeking", i dont even have anything against anyone who wants help this attention seeking problem only applies to me. I actually have a friend who is kind of like that to me, she's the only one im comfortable enough to talk to about my problems and she was the first person I talked to when I cried in the past. But a rumor around my school started saying that i liked her, and it made me uncomfortable and probably her too as I think she's been distancing herself from me and it's made me feel like i just lost a very special friend. Honestly i dont even know where im going with this rant i just needed some things off my chest
I don't even want a lover I just want to have a friend that will be there with me when Im under the blankets and tell me it's okay to cry it's okay to be weak. My brain always stops me from talking to people because it seems "attention seeking", i dont even have anything against anyone who wants help this attention seeking problem only applies to me. I actually have a friend who is kind of like that to me, she's the only one im comfortable enough to talk to about my problems and she was the first person I talked to when I cried in the past. But a rumor around my school started saying that i liked her, and it made me uncomfortable and probably her too as I think she's been distancing herself from me and it's made me feel like i just lost a very special friend. Honestly i dont even know where im going with this rant i just needed some things off my chest